okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
