Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
