You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
foreskin is a definite game changer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
