thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize