Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
