He is an equal opportunity slut.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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