Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize