Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
