The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
