I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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