did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
