Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
