my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize