just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
