Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
