I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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