oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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