Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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