After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
