wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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