I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
