You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Barsexuality is the new black.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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