i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
