So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was CRYING into my vagina
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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