If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The adults are the big ones right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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