i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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