mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
