I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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