no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
