i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
