I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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