Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize