just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it glows. i had to have it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
