I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
