youre lurking in front of me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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