First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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