Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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