You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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