What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
