If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
smell my finger.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
