i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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