it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
