i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
