she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
