I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize