I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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