Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
