these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
