if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
