Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this will be a night to untag.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
