he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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