WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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