I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
