remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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