Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
