Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
