Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
