i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
