Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
