dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So vagazzling was a success
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
