my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
