i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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