He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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