I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
