doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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