Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
