You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
