where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
