He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dicks are not precious.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
