i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
