Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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