Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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