You're completely useless in the revolution.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
