When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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