woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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