it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
