I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
