I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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