My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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