I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
love makes seman taste better
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
