He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
two words...techno handjob
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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