god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
