There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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