Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
