Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
