I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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