WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
