Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
