You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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