the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i dont even know how to be here
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
