he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
