so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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