i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
