whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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