Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
