i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
