Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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