My liver just broke up with me...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
