I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
