He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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