did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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