i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
