what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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