Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
