My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
