Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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