i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
