i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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