the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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