OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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