I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
