Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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